Choosing to move your senior loved one into memory care is a big, emotionally wrought decision. Then, once you’ve selected a home for Mom or Dad, you have to deal with the next-hardest thing: making the actual move to the community.
“It’s never easy to move your loved one to memory care,” says Leslie Delaney, Senior Advisor of Bridges® by EPOCH at Hingham. “Depending on what stage of dementia your loved one is experiencing, this move may be difficult for a number of reasons. You may find yourself in a situation where your loved one doesn’t believe anything is wrong with them at all, exhibits unwanted behaviors or more. Or you may have to deal with the stress associated with a move and the ‘reliving’ of the decision.”
“Transfer trauma” is a term sometimes used to describe the stress that someone with dementia can experience when they are changing living environments. This phenomenon is most often seen in someone in the early stages of the disease when they’re moving from their home into a memory care community. While this stress is normally temporary in nature, and will ease once your loved one makes friends and settles into life in the community, it can be very hard for family members to watch and experience.
While this can sound disheartening, Leslieencourages family members to realize that this is a natural part of the process and they will make it through to the other side. “There are things you can do, prepare for and put in place that will help make your loved one’s move as easy as possible and reduce the stress and emotional burden on yourself and everyone else involved,” she says. “The memory care community itself and its staff will be some of your biggest supporters and aides throughout this process. They are well-trained in how to help manage the transition from home to the community and have many tips and tools to minimize the stress associated with changing environments and provide support to you, your loved one and family members.”
10 Tips for Managing a Senior’s Move to Memory Care
1. First, care for yourself. It’s the old “put on your oxygen mask before helping others” lecture. It’s easy to put your health on the back burner as you’re managing all the preparations and details to move your loved one. However, it’s essential that you take care of yourself so that you can take the best possible care of your loved one and manage the changing dynamics successfully yourself. Keep eating a healthy diet, exercise regularly and be sure you’re getting a good night’s sleep. Remember that stress can run down our bodies like nothing else, so being proactive will help mitigate any issues.
2. Have realistic goals. Understand that this process will have bumps and obstacles and that your best-laid plans will need to flex and expand depending on how your loved one reacts. Unless your loved one is at risk and needs to be moved immediately for their safety, it’s best to work at a comfortable pace that doesn’t overwhelm you or your senior loved one. This will help you feel more confident about your decisions, in turn helping decrease stress and anxiety. Ultimately, this will help your loved one feel calmer and more comfortable throughout the moving process.
3. Have as little advance discussion as possible. This may seem underhanded or sneaky, because our instinct may be to prepare your loved one for the move as soon as possible. However, this can backfire quite dramatically. It can create anxiety, anger and other negative behaviors. You may also find yourself having the same arguments over and over again if your loved one’s memory is deteriorating. Instead, try to keep your activities and plans in the background in order to keep things as “normal” as possible for your loved one. This may not be possible if your loved one is in the early stages and wants to be actively involved in the decision-making process.
4. Visit the community several times before your loved one moves in. Memory care communities often have events and activities that are open to the public, which can be a great opportunity for your loved one to visit the community, interact with staff and other community members and start to learn what life is like at the community. Consider it a “soft introduction” to the new environment – it may serve to help make the community more familiar when it’s time to actually move in. This is also a great way for the staff and leadership of the community to begin getting to know your loved one – and you, of course.
5. Create a floor plan with “must-have” items. Once you have measurements of your loved one’s new space, create a floor plan to determine how personal items will fit, and what you might need to purchase in order to fit the space. In order to help your loved one feel more at home, it’s important to take items that will help provide continuity in a new environment. Things like a favorite chair, familiar bedding, a painting that’s always hung on their bedroom wall, etc. Make certain that these “must-have” items all have a place in the new home.
6. Downsize appropriately. When and how you downsize your loved one’s living space will depend on your individual situation. Some families prefer to get their loved one settled into the memory care community before they downsize personal items. Others may need to sell the home in order to fund the cost of memory care, making downsizing ahead of time essential. You may wish to connect with senior move consultants (people who are trained and experienced in helping seniors move from home to community) to help make the process easier.
7. Create a schedule. Once you have a move-in date, take some time to create a schedule for everything starting now up to moving day. You’ll want to connect with the memory care community, perhaps research moving resources and talk to other experts who can help you plan for a smooth transition.
8. Make a plan for moving day. After you’ve planned, organized and gotten everything ready, you’ll need to schedule a plan for the biggest challenge yet: the actual moving day. You may need to ask a close friend or family member to help you out on moving day while you supervise movers – perhaps your friend can take your loved one for a drive, or go to the community ahead of you to have lunch and participate in an activity so they don’t have to deal with the chaos of moving.
9. Make your exit. Once you’ve moved everything into the community, you’ll need to figure out the best possible way to make your exit. This is a delicate thing, and you’ll want to talk to the staff in advance to see what they recommend. You may wish to do some “therapeutic fibbing” and tell your loved one that you’re going away for a bit and they will be staying at the community during that time.
10. Follow-up. Once you’ve actually moved your loved one, the process isn’t over yet. Experts suggest waiting for some time before you visit your loved one in the community so he or she can adjust on their own. You may need to participate in some “aftercare” for yourself, whether that’s taking a mini vacation or simply being gentle to yourself for a while. Again, connect with the memory care community for their suggestions and tips. They are here to help you – now, and in the future.
Exceptional Care & Fulfilling Lifestyle
Bridges® by EPOCH at Hingham provides memory care assisted living that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, our community offers a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized and ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – enriching the lives of our residents every day.
Inspiring Programs for All Stages
No matter what level of care or service is needed, residents and families can rest assured that our care and life enrichment programs address the various stages of memory decline, allowing residents the opportunity to age in place.
Dedicated Memory Care
At Bridges® by EPOCH at Hingham, our services are designed to recognize and adapt to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident, while ensuring comfort and safety. We believe in a full-service approach to care and provide a high level of personalized attention for residents in various stages of memory loss.
Contact us today to learn more.