If you’re like us, you’re probably looking forward to the summer – particularly this year. As stay-at-home regulations get lifted and more and more businesses get back up and running, summertime will be a chance for all of us to get out, go places and, most importantly, spend time with our loved ones.
“One good thing about this pandemic is that it’s hammered home the fact that family is everything,” says Cindy Wirth, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury, a memory care assisted living community in Sudbury, MA. “This summer is a perfect time to reach out to the people we care about, particularly if you have a loved one in memory care. It’s important for our seniors to connect with family and friends to make memories, spark joy and encourage reminiscing. Even if he or she may not always remember your visit or even know who you are at times, know that the interactions you have are important and beneficial – for both them and for you.”
Although it can at times feel awkward to visit a loved one in memory care, there are things you can do to make the time together more comfortable and enjoyable, says Cindy. “It can be difficult to know what to expect, especially if they’ve just moved into a community or if their situation has progressed significantly from the last time you saw them,” she says. “Dementia can often make visits unpredictable, so it’s important to go into a situation with an open mind and flexibility.”
1. Be safe.
It’s no surprise that seniors are the most vulnerable part of our population with regards to COVID-19. It may be easier (and more practical) for you to coordinate a “virtual visit” through FaceTime or Skype instead of an in-person visit until the situation changes. If your loved one is living in a community, call ahead to find out if visitors are limited or if they have requirements for the health and safety for their residents. You may need to wear a mask, stay outdoors or sit a certain distance away.
2. Find the right time.
Individuals with dementia may have certain times of day when they’re “better” than others. It’s always a good idea to connect with your loved one’s caregiver or team members of the community to determine a time of day that’s best for visiting your loved one. Since the staff interacts with the individual every day, they’ll be able to let you know when he or she will be the most alert and receptive to a visit.
3. Get outside.
A change of scenery is always good when it comes to visiting your loved one – and because it’s summertime, it’s a perfect opportunity to get out and enjoy the sun and fresh air. You could also consider taking your loved one on a drive or simply go outside and sit on the patio instead of staying inside. Being in the great outdoors stimulates all the senses, which is a good thing for everyone (but especially those with dementia).
4. Identify yourself.
No matter where your loved one is in their dementia journey, be sure to introduce yourself when you begin your visit. Since dementia can cause disorientation and confusion, make sure you’re in the eyesight of your loved one and at his or her level. Smile and introduce yourself with regards to your relationship – “Hi, Grandma, it’s Jane, your niece.” This will become more and more important over time as their dementia progresses and it becomes difficult for your loved one to recognize faces.
5. Bring activities and favorite objects.
Experts suggest bringing favorite or familiar objects along with you to help prompt conversation and alleviate any tension or discomfort. Items like a favorite CD, old photographs, a much-loved book, a beloved pet are all good options. You can also bring simple activities, like a puzzle, coloring activity or other enjoyable distraction that you and your loved one can do together. Having something to keep hands and minds busy will help your loved one feel more at home and have a sense of belonging. You may also wish to consider visiting during a time of day when your loved one’s community is holding an activity or event.
6. Avoid arguments and confrontation.
It’s hard to not correct your loved one if he or she misremembers something or is experiencing hallucinations or other symptoms of dementia. However, it does no good to argue with them or try to bring them “back to reality.” Instead, step into their reality for the visit and remember that it’s okay to tell white lies here and there. For example, if your mother asks where your father is (and he’s been dead for many years), don’t tell her that he’s dead, because that will cause unnecessary pain. Instead, you could simply say he’s at work, or has gone for a walk and will be back soon.
7. Be okay with the quiet.
Something we are learning throughout the pandemic is that it doesn’t matter what we do together as long as we are spending time together. This is great knowledge and understanding to move forward with as you visit your loved one this summer. Understand that you don’t always have to be “doing.” Oftentimes, it’s enough to just be present – even if that’s virtually for the time being. Never underestimate the power of enjoying the moment. If conversation doesn’t flow naturally, don’t worry about it. A smile or gentle touch can be just as powerful as words (sometimes even more so). As long as you and your loved one are experiencing a comfortable and loving moment together, you don’t need words.
“It can be emotionally difficult to visit a loved one with memory loss, and this may be exacerbated by lingering worries about your loved one’s health and safety,” says Cindy. “However, your presence and love is the very best gift you can offer your loved one. As long as you practice proper safety precautions and keep an open mind, there’s no reason why you and your loved one can’t continue to make fond memories by spending quality time together.”
Exceptional Care & Engaging Lifestyle
Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury provides exceptional memory care in a comfortable and engaging environment. Designed specifically to support those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, our community delivers a wellness-focused lifestyle that respects individual preferences and abilities. Our teams receive ongoing, specialized training so they may help residents to safely exercise their independence in a secure, calm environment.
Dedicated Memory Care
Our expert dementia care and comprehensive services are tailored to meet the unique needs of our residents, wherever they are on their journey with memory loss. Our life enrichment programs are personalized to residents’ interests and abilities, providing joy and meaning in daily life and enhancing emotional well-being.
Purpose-Built Design
Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury is more than a safe, beautiful place to live; it’s truly a home, where compassionate, dementia-educated caregivers help people with memory loss live more fulfilling lives. Our research-based design features soft lighting and colors, non-glare flooring, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life-enrichment stations that empower residents to comfortably move about their home with confidence.
Contact us today to learn more.