When we say the words “family caregiver,” the image that often springs to mind is that of an adult child living with and caring for their senior loved one. But according to the “Caregiving in the U.S. 2020” study by AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving, eleven percent of family caregivers live an hour or more away from their senior loved one – and many of those are actually hundreds of miles away from their family member.
“Being a long-distance caregiver has its own unique challenges that other caregivers may not face,” says Reshma Nair, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Andover, a memory care assisted living community in Andover, MA. “The simple fact of being far away from your loved one means a lot more stress, a lot more work and even a lot more money. It also means that staying informed about your loved one’s situation can be difficult.”
And these days, says Reshma, many caregivers who do live near their aging loved one may end up being “long-distance” simply due to social distancing and other COVID-19-related actions.
“Fortunately, there are many technologies available these days that can help long-distance caregivers stay connected and informed about their senior loved ones,” Reshma says. “The first thing to do is to lay a groundwork for solid communication and a strong team who can help shoulder the responsibility.”
First, establish your team.
We’ll get this out of the way first: long-distance caregivers cannot (and should not) take care of every single task related to their loved one. You’ll have to delegate tasks, which can sometimes be hard to accept, but is essential for you and your loved one’s well-being. Gather a list of people – everyone from your loved one’s medical team to friends, family members, neighbors and community groups – and put together your care team. Don’t forget to include your loved one on that team. Once you have your group, figure out collectively who will handle what tasks. Perhaps your mother’s teenaged neighbor will cut the lawn when necessary. A childhood friend may volunteer to drive your father to his doctor’s appointments. Your sister will be responsible for coordinating prescriptions and running other errands. Once you have your roles established, put together a list of contact information for everyone involved and put it somewhere it can be easily accessed and changed as necessary. Consider cloud-based services like Google Docs or others that everyone can pull up as long as they have the Internet.
Set up legal documents.
Having durable powers of attorney – for both healthcare and financial matters – is critical for caregivers who are distanced from their loved one. It’s possible that you personally may not hold legal authority for both financial and healthcare decisions – that’s a discussion you and your loved one will need to have. No matter what, you will need to discuss your loved one’s financial situation (how much money they have on hand to pay for expenses, if they have long-term care insurance, etc.). You will also want to have your loved one sign the forms that allow care professionals and other organizations (like banks or utilities) to share information with you. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
Establish emergency protocols.
One of the scariest things for long-distance caregivers is the possibility that their loved one could get into an accident or have a situation where help is needed immediately. You’ll want to plan ways for someone to get into the house if the situation is urgent, such as installing a keypad lock that opens for anyone who has the code. You’ll also want to find ways for your loved one to call for help. Consider a specialized phone or emergency call button (think of Life Alert – just one of the many companies available these days) that can summon help with, literally, the press of a button.
Hire a geriatric care manager or local coordinator.
A geriatric care manager is a social worker or licensed nurse that specializes in the care of senior adults. He or she can help evaluate your loved one’s needs, coordinate necessary services and care and can be an excellent third-party voice in discussions about your loved one’s care. Best of all, because they are professionals, they can connect you with services and community resources that you may not have thought about, such as transportation services, meal services and the like.
Stay connected.
As we mentioned at the beginning of this article, communication will be the most important and oft-used skill in your caregiving toolbox. Establish ways for you to communicate regularly with your loved one, your local team and everyone else in your circle. There are online scheduling tools and organization apps like Lotsa Helping Hands that are a quick and easy way for everyone to stay up-to-date with who’s doing what and when. Of course, email, phone and text are also great ways to stay in touch.
It’s important to stay connected to your loved one, too. If your loved one is willing, you can use tools like video monitors, remote door locks, digital pill dispensers and other tools that allow you to check in even from far away. And connecting doesn’t always have to be about safety. Sometimes it’s just nice to talk to someone you care about, and loneliness can be a big problem with older adults. There are many technologies available today to stay connected with your loved one with video chats.
“Caregiving is an all-encompassing role, and it can be incredibly difficult to do long-distance,” says Reshma. “Take a deep breath, gather your supporters and team around you and be flexible – you are not alone. There are many people and agencies ready and willing to help, including Bridges by EPOCH at Andover. When the role of caregiving becomes too difficult – especially at a distance – we’re here to take the burden away, helping families to simply be families again.”
Exceptional Care. Engaging Lifestyle.
Bridges® by EPOCH at Andover provides specialized memory care in an assisted living environment that is comfortable, positive and welcoming. Built solely to care for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, Bridges® by EPOCH at Andover creates a wellness-focused, engaging lifestyle that respects individual preferences, focuses on residents’ abilities and creates meaning in daily life.
Dedicated Memory Care.
Through every stage of memory loss, residents and their families have complete peace of mind. Our compassionate dementia care and unique programs are tailored to meet the physical, cognitive and emotional needs of each resident wherever they are on their own journey, allowing them to age in place safely, comfortably and with dignity.
Supportive, Purpose-Built Design.
Featuring a stunning residential design, Bridges® by EPOCH at Andover is much more than a beautiful place to live; it’s a community where residents’ lives are enriched and families enjoy meaningful moments together. Our research-based design features soft colors and lighting, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life-enrichment stations that empower residents to explore their homes with confidence.
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